When narcissists start feeling like they’re losing control, they’ll often resort to drastic and manipulative tactics to regain power. Their behavior stems from a deep-rooted need for dominance, usually causing distress to those around them.
Understanding these patterns can protect yourself from their influence and regain personal freedom. Here’s a guide to the seven common behaviors narcissists display when they lose control.
Behaviors Of Narcissists When They Are Losing Control
1. Flashes Of Rage
Narcissists feel entitled to control and validation, so when they lose power, they may explode. These outbursts may seem out of proportion and are aimed to intimidate or coerce you. They may yell, name-call, or threaten. Fear of rejection or abandonment drives narcissistic anger.
When your independence or boundaries scar their ego, they may become volatile and dangerous. Recognizing this as a way to recover control will help you stay away. Responding quietly, if at all, frequently calms their fury and keeps you focused on independence from manipulation.
2. Making Grand Gestures
Some narcissists resort to elaborate apologies, extravagant gifts, or overblown pledges of reform to reclaim power. These persuasions are aimed at restoring loyalty or closeness. They may pledge to modify their behavior, prioritize their needs, or propose therapy.
Though genuine, these gestures typically lack depth and endurance. Narcissists may temporarily follow through, but they usually reverse. It’s vital to determine if these gestures represent genuine changes or manipulation. The cycle will recur if they say what you want to hear. Trust deeds over words.
3. Spreading Rumors Or Gossip
Narcissists may smear you when they lose control. One of their most harmful strategies is isolating you from friends and relatives. They may spread stories, lie, or denigrate you. This manipulation, known as “smear campaigning,” makes you the villain in their story and weakens your support system by alienating you from potential allies.
It might be devastating to hear that others are spreading lies about you, but being calm and telling the truth can protect your reputation. Close friends and family who know you well will eventually see through the narcissist’s techniques.
4. Playing The Victim
Ineffective charm and deception lead many narcissists to play the victim. They may exaggerate prior hardships or blame others. It’s meant to make you feel terrible for avoiding them. You may hear stories of being misunderstood or mistreated, placing themselves as the “wronged” partner.
They often downplay their unpleasant actions and focus on their challenges. Their depiction of hapless victims evokes empathy and attempts to reclaim control. Understanding that their victim narrative is often overstated might help you maintain emotional boundaries. Their goal is to erode your determination.
5. Feigning Apology Or Growth
Narcissists may simulate self-awareness or apologize when they feel out of control. They may admit small mistakes, resolve to reform, or have an “aha” moment and realize the damage they’ve done. Unfortunately, most narcissists lack remorse. They may admit minor issues but avoid significant change.
This “hoovering” technique makes you think they’ve made a breakthrough to get you back in the relationship. While considering reconciliation, look for consistent behaviors that mirror their statements. Faked growth is often used to keep you under their control.
6. Using Others Against You
Narcissists also triangulate by asking friends, family, and coworkers to speak for them. They may tell a buddy, “I just don’t know why they’re treating me this way,” or discuss private matters in a way that makes you seem ridiculous.
Indirect manipulation can increase strain, making you feel like you’re dealing with the narcissist’s actions and your friends’ scrutiny. This strategy is aimed to make you rethink your choices and submit to them. Understanding triangulation as manipulation might help you reject and maintain your boundaries.
7. Silent Treatment
After all else fails, narcissists use the silent treatment. They may suddenly stop talking, disregard calls and texts, or ignore you. This strategy seeks to make you insecure, asking what went wrong or who’s responsible.
Narcissists use silence to acquire control by creating tension, which makes you more likely to talk to them. Avoid reaching out or apologizing, even if you did nothing wrong. Recognizing the silent treatment as manipulation will help you manage your emotions and independence.
Dealing with a narcissist’s reaction to losing control can be overwhelming. Recognizing these behaviors enables you to set firm boundaries and make choices that safeguard your well-being. Remember, their actions are manipulative tactics that you don’t have to tolerate.
FAQs
1. How Do You Regain Control From A Narcissist?
Setting firm boundaries and seeking support are effective ways to regain control.
2. Why Do Narcissists Fear Losing Control?
Losing control threatens their need for dominance, which is central to their identity.
3. How Can I Protect Myself From A Narcissist’s Manipulation?
Learn to recognize tactics, stand by your boundaries, and seek support from friends or professionals.
4. What’s The Impact Of Gaslighting On One’s Mental Health?
Gaslighting can lead to self-doubt, confusion, and decreased self-esteem.
5. Can Narcissists Change?
While change is possible, it often requires self-awareness and professional help, which many narcissists may resist.